Meet the Olympians

Once every four years, the future role-models of the world gather together in a competition of skill, aptitude, tenacity and ball-busting, back-breaking valor. All across America, all across the world, spectators watch with bated breath as the worldwide standard is set once again.


This is not about the Olympics. This is about the 2012 presidential election, whose description would be more along the lines of:

Once every four years, rich men with questionable political and personal histories stand behind podiums on stages in different obscure towns across the country with their eerily enthusiastic, overly made-up and well-coiffed wives at their elbow, making underhanded comments about their opponents’ college years. And many times, these men are entirely insane.

In what I thought was a gorgeous journalistic epiphany yesterday afternoon, I asked my Facebook compadres a question: If the 2012 election was tomorrow, who would you vote for, and why?

I got five Obama’s— or, more accurately, two Obamas, a “B-Rock”, an “Obamz” and a “Barockem Sockem Obamaknockem”– on top of one Ron Paul, and then a vote for this guy:

Dr. Steve Brule, from Tim and Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job! Image courtesy of (stolen from)

There were some impressively articulated arguments for both Obama and Paul.  Correction: Ron Paul. It just occurred to me that he has one of those names you can’t cut in half. Can’t trust a guy who’s name you can’t cut in half. Guess we all know who I’m voting for.

(It’s no secret that I’m an Obama supporter. Nor is it scandal. It’s not even worth parenthetically disclaiming.)

I wanted to leave my Facebook inquiry as open-ended as possible, so I didn’t narrow it to just Obama and Mr. Paul. Nope, Ron Paul. However, my handful of respondents took care of that narrowing. Romney, Gingrich and Santorum got no love. Good for them.

I am not a politically savvy human being. But the internet is a fantastic place and even the most ignorant American can become a well-informed blogger in a matter of Googles. So I Googled. Now I know all about R.P. and, call me a wackjob crazy leftist with disillusioned party loyalty, but…. holy God in heaven, really??

One of my respondents, who got back to me in private so I’ll keep her identity TOP SECRET (scaaaaandaaaalllll) put it best:

“Ron Paul actually has some pretty good ideas. If he wasn’t batshit insane there is a possibility I could vote for him. ”

For the complete list of his batshit craziness, check this out:

The Little Red Umbrella on Ron Paul’s craziness

(thank you anonymous contributor for bringing that link to my attention. Also, thanks for the video at the end of the post. In fact, you wrote most of this for me)

Anyway, the man is truly insane. This country is in trouble, on so many levels, and Ronny has a great perspective on revamping governmental structure to minimize interference while promoting the most personal freedom possible. Except that, with R. Paul’s idea of “personal freedom” enacted, I can put a sign on my store that says “no darkies, jews or bastard sons,” and pay my employees four dollars a week.

Here is why I hate America SO GODDAMN MUCH: We use voting as a defense mechanism. We put people in office who’ve promised us things, and when they don’t follow through to a T, we denounce every “stupid democrat/republican who voted for him/her in the first place” and elect someone else to mess things up.

Politicians know this. They’re professional bullshitters. Obama is, MrRonnyRonaldRonRonPaulino is, Corey Matthews was when he ran for eighth grade class president (four day weekends and optional Tuesdays? Sure, Mr. Matthews, sure. I’d like to see your budget plan).

But if they lie themselves into office, and then make the country a legitimately better— rather than lying to get into office and making the entire world a much, much worse place–

Image courtesy of wiki

–then I do not like them.

Dr. Paul (Ron Paul), in the words of another friend who responded to my thread,

“is the only candidate that would actually change the [government] entity itself. Change is a buzzword thrown around by all politicians…Ron is the only canditate I see who is all about going into office and destroying the hierarchy of corruption…. it’s pathetic how generations [have] been conditioned to feel unsafe and powerless in their own abilities as a living creature.”

Yes, anonymous blog contributor, you make an very valid point. The government– which directly translates into The Man in this context– wants us to believe we’re ill-equipped to maintain our own order, and rely instead on it’s incessant intervention. I can see why Ru Paul hates this, and why his supporters want to see it changed.

However, my boy Obamski does not hate The Man. He is just a man who wants to make the country a better place, and has some damn good ideas to do it. Let me draw a parallel for you: Ronald Ernest Paul is the guitarist of that terrible band, Muse, who claimed to hate his instrument and want to punish it. Obama, on the other hand, is Kirk Hammett, lead guitarist of Metallica— Classically trained to appreciate the instrument, and skilled enough to melt your face off with it.

I don’t want someone to dismantle American government. Public education, civil rights even– as much as I bitch about it– social welfare programs, those are all pretty important to me. What Obama has done is begin to clean up a catastrophic disaster of a country. He’s wiping the egg off our face, not erecting a facade to cover it up.

True, we don’t need our hands held through the jungle; however, we do need to be led through it, and a candidate who likes that jungle for what it is, and doesn’t want to tear it down to build a mini-mall, that’s who has my vote.

We don’t need someone who hates the way we live our lives; we need someone who understands the circle of life:

3 thoughts on “Meet the Olympians

  1. You have to admit, that if nothing else, it’s a little refreshing to see a president who can occasionally pull off a few dance steps, a couple of song lyrics, or a self-deprecating joke, instead of some awkward jerk who makes you wince every time his beady-eyed mug is on a screen.

  2. I’m going to enjoy reading your blogs. Takes me back to when I still believed. Really didn’t mean to become an old person…it just happened. I still appreciate youth and fervor in others; there are just more pressing needs now that I’m in my dotage….”Did I already TAKE that pill? Who moved all my stuff around again? Am I getting enough fiber?”

  3. Something’s in life cannot be mapped out by voting, unfortunately the world we life in requires us to vote for a leader. I don’t agree wIth the system but it’s the only one we have so we have to respect it, because people kill for the “privilege” of voting. Whether it may be Ron Paul or Barrack Obama or whomever, there will always be a better leader. You are right, maybe Corey Matthews did have it right, I sure thought so when I was younger. But we will never know.

    This is the first time I’ve ever read a piece of yours, years a lot about it and its interesting and I’ll keep coming back.

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