I had a few different ideas about what to write about today. There are a handful of unfinished drafts that could be completed and published, and endless, semi-coherent ramblings waiting to be glued together into a semblance of sense.
But I don’t want to fucking write about any of the jokes, because I’m done. I can’t be funny today. I can’t do anything, and apparently neither can you, or anyone.
What the fuck are we doing to each other? Black Lives Matter? NO ALL LIVES MATTER! NO, BLUE LIVES MATTER.
Guess the fuck what? No one matters. We’re all going to fucking die eventually and at this rate the world will be ruined before most of us are scheduled to go regardless of whose lives we can or can’t agree matter.
Dallas is a fucking tragedy that should never have happened. Sick people killed presumably innocent people because their hatred and fear overwhelmed them.
Alton Sterling is a fucking tragedy that should never have happened. Sick people again killing a presumably innocent person because hatred and fear overwhelmed them.
And Philando Castile.
And Michael and Freddie and Walter and Trayvon and you know what? All of these people – the black ones and the white ones and the police and fucking everyone – they’re the lucky ones. They don’t have to fucking stomach this terrible world anymore.
Let’s add Martin Luther King, Jr. to that list. I’m so glad he was assassinated and never had to see that, fifty years later, what he died for is still murdering his people, and that the country cares even less.
In fact, the country is fucking mad at black people for being killed. Yes, you, with the fucking #bluelivesmatter post on your Instagram this morning? You are a fucking racist. You are acting out because you are angry that black America is complaining about being murdered. You are not reacting to the fucking tragedy in Dallas. You are using it as an excuse to voice your racist fucking agenda.
I’m sorry for my friends who have young children, because I know a little part of every parent in America is for one reason or another questioning if this is a world worth raising children in. I’m sorry for black America, who is scared and helpless and attacked and can’t fucking do anything about it because the people paid to help them are the fucking enemy. I’m sorry for the police who are doing their job; their shitty, horrible job that didn’t prepare them to confront things like implicit bias because people still won’t fucking admit that racism is a living, breathing evil rotting our country from the top down.
And I am the most sick because now, with Dallas, wish these police slaughtered at a peaceful protest, that will be the focus. Alton and Philando and every other American with skin too dark at the wrong time will not be the focus, they will be the enemy. They will continue to be the enemy because now the country has victims on the right side to support, and the victims on the wrong side can now officially be labeled the slaughterers.
I know that the seven people who read my blog on a daily basis can’t change this. I don’t know who can change this. I know I can’t. I have no idea where the fucking start.