i saw the sun i saw for once why i
was never allowed to access the matches
i knew
exactly what i was doing when i burned
it
all
down

a belly-up beetle resists my flicking finger
finds your leg, my book, anywhere on the slippery picnic blanket
determined to stay
as the girl with a shaved head stands
on roller skates, akimbo atop the park bench
at the center of our horizon
she raises two
middle fingers at the sirens as they swim by
and we smile at the masked dog walkers, the Frisbee bandits,
remembering how broken everything is and
feeling in love with it all anyway

I skitter between this jellyfish trickster and an awareness of her soft, slow sea
I am three:
brain
body
beatific I
some metric of disorganized thirds, disconnected
and dissimilar and the same
steady as a three-legged stool
staring listless down a three-pronged path
no choosing, all wrong
I can not at once think and be nor is this body present
when its seconds come for her thirds
looking inward I disappear from myself
thoughts perceptible on the periphery glow opaque
this engine only churns when the door is closed

burning wings inflamed by whits of growth’s friction
or sparked in fated fall
flutter from scapula to dirt
as habit makes her scratchy nest in my clavicle
(a friend who keeps my back bent)
and i am reminded the mechanics of how
i’ll never take flight Continue reading “untitled” →